Friday, September 25, 2009
This is how it all started. The weather was rainy and dreary and Mitchell,(21 mo.) woke up at 6:30 with a disposition no less improved than the weather. So we worked with him all morning, Gave him a clean diaper, fed him a good breakfast. The girls took turns playing with him as we finished up their before school chores.. All the while I am listening to him cry and manipulate his sisters into doing things his way. I am puzzled as to why he is sooo terribly grumpy, was it the cheerio square that he ate last night for supper? (They do have a LOT of sugar). Is it because he didn't have a BM yesterday.. Is it because his Dad was home all day yesterday and he misses him today? what is it that he can't tell me??
But I didn't have the time to deal with it then as we needed to get the girls out the door and to school..
I am praying for patience and keeping calm all this time. While he loses it over nothing!! But mostly I am praying that by some miracle if I just pretend he is happy he will eventually 'be Happy'
But that is NOT what happened!! The big meltdown happened when we left the school building.. Screaming, biting, hitting. "NO MOM" NO MOM"
STAY STAY!!! are the word he used.. he obviously wanted to stay at school.
I hurried out of there as fast as I could so save what little dignity I had left! But it didn't stop there. Any of you that are moms know that if a child doesn't want to be buckled in his car seat, at 2 years old they are strong enough that they can prevent you from doing that, partly because you are at an odd angle and partly because each time you press their bottom into the car seat you have to let go to grab the buckle and hurry up get it snapped together!!!! So there I am standing in to pouring rain trying to buckle a tantrum throwing 2 year old!! :(
I finally got that managed . he is still screaming "No Mom" at me.. So to stay sane I turn the radio up until it drowns him out!! I can't even remember what songs were playing because I was praying so hard and fighting tears myself by this time!
By the time we pulled in to the garage he started all over with his beloved tantrum.. While he lay on the entryroom floor, still screaming and kicking, I started working on my laundry, ignoring him all the while and praying for wisdom.
Why all the praying? because for 18 mo. a cuddle, a story, a kiss, a hug would fix almost anything that was wrong with my baby.. Somehow I know that the time is here where this baby needs to conquer some of the human nature that he was born with him, But the Mommy in me wants to cuddle him, to sit on the rocker and rock his sorrows away. Now I know that God has given me, as a mother this loving, caring instinct for my children. But he also expects me as a parent to help my child submit to authority. And bring his human nature under control. Oh how I wish that it would take longer than 2 years for that human flesh to became so ugly!!
So I face the battle and tell him that he needs to take a nap, because in my reasoning if he wasn't tired to start with he's got to be tired now from all that crying.. but he is nowhere close to submitting to a nap. This 6 mo. pregnant lady struggles up the stairs with a 30 lb. kicking toddler!! now his words are, "NO NAP, NO NAP!!" As I put him in his bed he goes limp and slithers out unto the floor. this brings him discipline and gets him put right back into bed.. repeat 6 times until he decides that it's better to stay in bed than to face the consequences.. after a command from mom to lay on his pillow and an attempt to put him there he immediately decides that he would rather sleep on his pile of blankets on the bottom of the bed. Is there anything wrong with sleeping on blankets at the foot of the bed? NO WAY! nothing at all. BUT in this scenario it is just another act of defiance! so with a command to lay on the pillow from me, a "NO" from him, consequences suffered by him (and me) . repeat this 6 times. he finally gives up and lays on his pillow and looks at me with sorrow filled eyes and through his tears says "Mom sleep with me?" So with tears streaming down my face, and thankfulness in my heart that the battle is over and has been won for the Glory of God. I crawl into bed with him where he wraps his arms around my neck sighs and says "My MOM" within minutes he is fast asleep! I slip out of bed praising my Saviour that he helped me to win this battle and asking him for strength to face all those yet to come.
But how sorrowful my mother heart feels that my baby is already facing the battles that have the strength to turn him either into an Ungodly Man or a Man of the Lord! How I want to cuddle him and tell him that everything is OK, that he is just a baby and it's OK for him to act that way!!
But I am reminded of my loving Father in heaven, of how he gave his life for me. And I rebel against his plan for me. I too fight with everything in me to lay on MY pile of blankets and not the sweet pillow he has lovingly placed for me. Is it Because I don't know how sweet that pillow is going to make my sleep? NO. It's because I was born wanting to do things 'my way'.
So it's even a daily struggle for me as a mom, as an adult, someone who knows the Lord as my Saviour, to bring my will into submission to my Father.
I am still confident of this:
I will see your goodness, Lord, in the Land of the living. I will wait for you Lord, I will be strong and take heart and wait for you Lord, Psalm 27:13-14