Thursday, December 17, 2009

7 things you may not know about me! You have been tagged!

Read at your own risk!

1.My sister and I were painting some old chairs for mom, we were probably 9 & 11 yaers old. we ended up chasing each other with paint brushes filled with paint. IT WAS MY SIS WHO STARTED IT!! but I got the blame and as a punishment I had to muck out the three horse stalls in the barn. That was the best punishment I ever got!! because I loved spending time with my pony! Mom never punished me with that chore again! ???

2. My beautiful, well behaved 8 year old daughter, Kristina, was a parents nightmare at age 2 &1/2.. I woke up one morning knowing that there was more to motherhood than, struggling to LOVE a 2 & 1/2 year old all day! And so began my library of child training books..

3.I Love my children so much that sometimes I want to run away from them.

4. When my husband eats an unhealthy snack befor bed I almost always join him!!! GULP!!

5. I still dream about the magic of Ice skating under a full moon on a sparkling winter night holding hands with boys.. Thats when Romance became real to me... ahhh to be 14 and imagine myself in Love...

6. I tell my husband what to get me for gifts.. Yes I tell him where, what, and how..

7.It's 10:00 pm and I am gonna eat a handful of hershey kisses!!! Yummy!!!

If you have been tagged, write a note like this and tag 7 of your friends

Friday, September 25, 2009

This is how it all started. The weather was rainy and dreary and Mitchell,(21 mo.) woke up at 6:30 with a disposition no less improved than the weather. So we worked with him all morning, Gave him a clean diaper, fed him a good breakfast. The girls took turns playing with him as we finished up their before school chores.. All the while I am listening to him cry and manipulate his sisters into doing things his way. I am puzzled as to why he is sooo terribly grumpy, was it the cheerio square that he ate last night for supper? (They do have a LOT of sugar). Is it because he didn't have a BM yesterday.. Is it because his Dad was home all day yesterday and he misses him today? what is it that he can't tell me??
But I didn't have the time to deal with it then as we needed to get the girls out the door and to school..
I am praying for patience and keeping calm all this time. While he loses it over nothing!! But mostly I am praying that by some miracle if I just pretend he is happy he will eventually 'be Happy'
But that is NOT what happened!! The big meltdown happened when we left the school building.. Screaming, biting, hitting. "NO MOM" NO MOM"
STAY STAY!!! are the word he used.. he obviously wanted to stay at school.
I hurried out of there as fast as I could so save what little dignity I had left! But it didn't stop there. Any of you that are moms know that if a child doesn't want to be buckled in his car seat, at 2 years old they are strong enough that they can prevent you from doing that, partly because you are at an odd angle and partly because each time you press their bottom into the car seat you have to let go to grab the buckle and hurry up get it snapped together!!!! So there I am standing in to pouring rain trying to buckle a tantrum throwing 2 year old!! :(
I finally got that managed . he is still screaming "No Mom" at me.. So to stay sane I turn the radio up until it drowns him out!! I can't even remember what songs were playing because I was praying so hard and fighting tears myself by this time!
By the time we pulled in to the garage he started all over with his beloved tantrum.. While he lay on the entryroom floor, still screaming and kicking, I started working on my laundry, ignoring him all the while and praying for wisdom.
Why all the praying? because for 18 mo. a cuddle, a story, a kiss, a hug would fix almost anything that was wrong with my baby.. Somehow I know that the time is here where this baby needs to conquer some of the human nature that he was born with him, But the Mommy in me wants to cuddle him, to sit on the rocker and rock his sorrows away. Now I know that God has given me, as a mother this loving, caring instinct for my children. But he also expects me as a parent to help my child submit to authority. And bring his human nature under control. Oh how I wish that it would take longer than 2 years for that human flesh to became so ugly!!
So I face the battle and tell him that he needs to take a nap, because in my reasoning if he wasn't tired to start with he's got to be tired now from all that crying.. but he is nowhere close to submitting to a nap. This 6 mo. pregnant lady struggles up the stairs with a 30 lb. kicking toddler!! now his words are, "NO NAP, NO NAP!!" As I put him in his bed he goes limp and slithers out unto the floor. this brings him discipline and gets him put right back into bed.. repeat 6 times until he decides that it's better to stay in bed than to face the consequences.. after a command from mom to lay on his pillow and an attempt to put him there he immediately decides that he would rather sleep on his pile of blankets on the bottom of the bed. Is there anything wrong with sleeping on blankets at the foot of the bed? NO WAY! nothing at all. BUT in this scenario it is just another act of defiance! so with a command to lay on the pillow from me, a "NO" from him, consequences suffered by him (and me) . repeat this 6 times. he finally gives up and lays on his pillow and looks at me with sorrow filled eyes and through his tears says "Mom sleep with me?" So with tears streaming down my face, and thankfulness in my heart that the battle is over and has been won for the Glory of God. I crawl into bed with him where he wraps his arms around my neck sighs and says "My MOM" within minutes he is fast asleep! I slip out of bed praising my Saviour that he helped me to win this battle and asking him for strength to face all those yet to come.
But how sorrowful my mother heart feels that my baby is already facing the battles that have the strength to turn him either into an Ungodly Man or a Man of the Lord! How I want to cuddle him and tell him that everything is OK, that he is just a baby and it's OK for him to act that way!!

But I am reminded of my loving Father in heaven, of how he gave his life for me. And I rebel against his plan for me. I too fight with everything in me to lay on MY pile of blankets and not the sweet pillow he has lovingly placed for me. Is it Because I don't know how sweet that pillow is going to make my sleep? NO. It's because I was born wanting to do things 'my way'.
So it's even a daily struggle for me as a mom, as an adult, someone who knows the Lord as my Saviour, to bring my will into submission to my Father.

I am still confident of this:
I will see your goodness, Lord, in the Land of the living. I will wait for you Lord, I will be strong and take heart and wait for you Lord, Psalm 27:13-14

Tuesday, September 8, 2009

Land of Magic

I have been to a land of magic! It’s the land where all things are possible, the land where dreams really do come true. Where baby dolls really do fall asleep in their plush little beds and never wake up till you lift them out of their blankets in the morning. Where a Tea set is an excuse for dressing all your favorite nursery friends in their finery and arranging them at a tiny, tea table. Not one of them complains about having a pillow for a chair or a teacup that is missing a handle.
It’s the land where Mommy knows all the answers to life’s many confusing questions and Daddy always comes home at the glorious hour of sundown. Where your friends that lived on the pages of your favorite stories keep you company as you play in that wonderful land of Magic. Where puppy dogs are forever friends and never run away. And Kittens love to be dressed up in frilly doll clothes. It’s the land where you can only stay for so long, only until life’s experiences teach you the many little lessons that help form you into the Child of God that you are today.

Monday, September 7, 2009

Remodling Project or Marital Growth??

The home of the Zimmermans is over 100 years old with improvements made in the 70's. So each winter while Elvin puts in less hours at his job we try to do a small inexpensive remodeling project that brings our home more up-to-date and makes it more family friendly as our family is still growing.. So this winter we were planing on putting in a tile kitchen and dining room floor, with heat cables under the tile floor to help with the bitter cold winter winds... So today being Labor Day Elvin wasn't at work and we started talking about the new floor which led to talking about my tiny kitchen, which led to the comment "you know if we would take away this cabinet you would have less counter space but more floor space..." Which led to: and if we are gonna ever take away this cabinet we should do that before we do the floor. which means we would need a new counter top and We would have to paint the cabinets so that the new cabinets match the old cabinets and if we paint the cabinets..... Which led to Me saying: "So Honey, you would let me paint my cabinets ANY color I wanted?"
To which he replied " Yes, as long as they are not GREEN!!"
well really I was thinking that beautiful warm 'sage' color but to him it is GREEN and Green won't do!!!!
So I say: "Honey what color were YOU thinking the cabinets would get painted?" I am trying my very best not to get defensive of my beautiful Sage color...
Well turns out he was thinking the cabinets would be "WHITE",
So I try to explain to him that my walls are already a cream color and that cream and white CLASH, but that doesn't mean anything to him, so I simply say "I won't have white cabinets and a cream wall... "
So it turns out he would rather have me PAINT MY WHOLE KITCHEN AND DINING ROOM WALLS A different color so that the cabinets can stay white.
Also I learned that White is the only word in the male vocabulary to describe all the colors between "bright white" and "Bone"...
So while he is on my laptop watching hunting videos and browsing anything related to hunting I am browsing designer kitchens, every once in a while I will find a color scheme that is pleasing to me and I think not to GREEN for him.. So I ask him to look and guess what the answer is??? "Whatever, it's your kitchen!!!!"
So Ladies I have finally figured it out.. Plant that sweet man of yours in front of hunting videos (if he's not a hunter???) and Ask him that important question, It works...

Well, We still have to buy the paint and I haven't yet figured out how to go about with that one?? Maybe sent him to Cabelas while I go to Shermin Williams. Or sent him on a guided hunt while I hire a designer... Hmmm.. I LIKE the designer idea!!

Either way I am sure that this remodeling project will be an intense time of Marital growth!!

Love you Elvin!

Sunday, August 30, 2009

Search me, O God

Ever ask yourself questions that you can't answer? or if you can answer them you feel like maybe you aren't being quite honest with your self?? here are some of the things that I have questioned myself about in the last 12 mo.
Is it Normal to look back at your life before kids and realize that you were a totally different person back then?? It didn't happen all at once or I would have noticed sooner I am sure, I don't miss that person. But do I miss some of the things I used to find so enjoyable? Is it because I have less time for other intrests now, or is it because I no longer have an intrest in those things?
But I guess the biggest question of all is: Is it healthy for Motherhood to be my biggest interest? is it healthy to feel like that is my biggest passion right now? Is it healthy for my children? Is really from God or is it my own selfish need to feel successful at something? Is it my passion right now because My children are young and I have controle over them.
In the past when ever I have tried something else, Tutoring, babysitting, selling books, it never worked out. I always got to the point where it was plain to see that the people I loved most were not getting the best of me. Was this Gods way of gently reminding me that I need to put my family first?
Am I questioning if this is the norm only because in the secular society family isn't a priority anymore? Is Gods will for my life to dedicate my life to the serving and happiness of others? Or is there a part that tells me that I need to have intrest of my own? that I need to do something that makes me happy... Which is kinda funny because as I stop and think about what makes me happy I realize that I am happiest when I am serving my family and when they are happy. :)

So I guess the conclusion for this session of questions is keep on doing what I have been doing while asking the Lord to search my heart and cleanse my from all sin and selfishness, To show me te areas of my life that are not serving him 100%

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: Psalms 139:23

Saturday, August 29, 2009

I want to trust in you Lord

I am back! and yes we all survived our first week of school! Did I ever doubt that we would?
No, I always knew we would survive because my hope and trust is in our wonderful saviour, Jesus Christ.
Was it tough? yes it was much tougher than I thought it would be.. I thought the first day would be the hardest, but Monday was by far the easiest day, because everyone was excited and happy. It was by thursday and Friday when Kristina and Staci were tired and their eyes were not quite as sparkly anymore, It was when school work turned out to be a bit more of a challenge than Kristina had anticipated.. It was when there were frustrations on the playground among peers... it was Then that I wanted to shed tears and hold them close saying "it's ok, You don't have to go back, you can stay here with me where no one can hurt you." But I didn't say that for a couple of reasons.
1. I was sure they would say "but we WANT to go back"
2. I knew that somewhere in life they are going to have to learn these lessons anyway,
So I prayed desperately for the right words to help them along the little rocky road that God was leading them down. They didn't shed a tear all week about school! what a blessing! Each morning my prayer was "God don't let them wake up and Say 'I don't want to go'. because i didn't know if I would've had the courage to make them go. the worst morning of all for me was on Wednesday when Mitchell saw them in their uniforms and said "NO Staci! NO school!" I felt exactly the same way!!
The house was so quiet all week that I couldn't stand being in it, especially when Mitchell was napping! I never knew my refridgerater was so noisy or stopped and started so often!! I can't remember that last time I was even concsious that the fridge has a noise! There were no bikes and toys to put away from the garage door before I went away. The American girl dolls sat neglected at their table having tea for hours on end!! These are a few of the things that made the tears flow for me this week..

So the silver lining??? I think it must be healthy to cry alot, I feel so tender to everyone and especially to the Holy Spirit.. I have had time EVERYDAY for devotions and prayer.. not just a few minutes here and there but over an hour each day! My time with the girls is super special to me! I remember to tell them how much I love and appreciate them everyday! because By 5:00 I am still not tired of being with them! The Lord has been so FAithful and Blessed me with so much I am eternally thankful for his saving grace, for his mercy on a poor soul that takes soo long to trust and obey. I am thankful that his children that he has entrusted to me have sweet and loving natures and a heart for God! I am SO THANKFUL for the teachers at the Academy, they never raise an eyebrow when I arrive 30 min before dissmisal . or when I bring the girls their lunch and stay for recess!

So am I excited for Monday morn. Yes I am excited to see what the Lord has in store for me this week and also the loving little lessons he has for my daughters this week.. Will it be easier than Last week? I don't know but:
I want to trust in you Lord, with all my heart and lean not on my own understanding, In all my ways i will acknowledge you, And you will make my paths straight. Prov.3: 5-6

Friday, August 21, 2009

A Brand New Adventure

In 2 days my family start a whole new way of life. "Am I happy? am I excited?" These are the questions people are asking me. How do I answer them? I don't know.. Let me tell you the story and maybe by the end I will know how to answer them..
Ever since my Oldest Daughter Kristina was about 2 years old i knew that I would home school her.. Sent her to school for a whole day away from her mommy when she is only 5 years old??? NEVER! I was a teacher before I became mommy, of course i knew everything that I needed to know to teach her at home! So when she was 4 and her sister was 3 I started tutoring a little boy from the community. He came to my home 3 days a week and we worked on his phonics.. well wouldn't you know it by the time Christmas rolled around both Kristina and Staci were reading! @ 3 & 4 years old!! Now I was really convinced that i was meant to be a homeschool mom!! LOL So I started going to support groups and learning all i could about educating my girls at home. Yes I started grinding my own wheat and baking my own bread too. :)

I loved everything about it, especially all the books and reading we did! I Loved Getting to spend everyday ALLDAy with my Girls! I loved that we could wake up and all snuggle in my bed until we decided to get up and eat some whole wheat toast with some raw peanut butter and organic honey for breakfast! :) I oved that we could skip all our books and make a whole school day out of watching a butterfly emerge from it's cacoon!

Well All of that was before My husband or Igot saved.. :)
When we got saved and God directed us to worship at the Gospel Lighthouse Church and I knew they had their own privat Christian School, I made a bargain with God: Ok I will worship at the church of your choice (part of this is a story for another day :) ) BUT DO NOT ASK Me TO SEND MY GIRLS TO THEIR SCHOOL! Well as far as i knew God was ok with it because he didn't ask us to send the girls to Lighthouse Academy.. Don't get me wrong i had NOTHING against the students or the teachers there, in my opinion they were absolutely wonderful! But Homeschooling was the life for me, I was convinced of it!
Well 2 years later, (during which time Mitchell joined our family) All was well and we were happily homeschooling Kristina was in 2nd grade and Staci was in Kindergarten and Mitchell was the entertainment for our dining room table classroom.
When out of the blue God asked me to give my children to him and obey him in all things, especially when it came to my 3 children!
This is how it happened: at a Sunday night church service led by our youth pastor Zach Fox. he was talking about things that get between us and our Saviour, How important it is to have God search our hearts and remove those things that are not his will for our lives. I started feeling the Lord work in my heart, making it soft and receptive but i had no idea what it was that he would point out! at alter call my husband and i both went to the alter and the instant my knees hit the floor I heard this voice from heaven saying " I WANT YOU TO GIVE UP HOMESCHOOLING AND SENT KRISTINA AND STACI TI LIGHTHOUSE ACADEMY." I was speechless, I started sobbing, I knew in my heart that the only way I would have peace would be by obeying so my response was " ok Lord I will do it but i have no idea how i am going to give it up with out your help."

I sobbed for 3 days straight, I fely like someone had die, my husband was supporting God and encouraging me but i felt like God was asking the impossible of me! On the evening of the third day when I was sobbing in the shower asking God why? why me? I was happy, I was successful at homeschooling! when i heard the tiniest whisper through all my sobbing "if I didn't love you, If you didn't belong to me, I wouldn't be asking it of you!
Of course I started with fresh sobs but this time it was different, I did belong to my savior, he was not punishing me but refining me, and He loved my children even more than I did so he would surely make the very best choices for their lives! from that day forward I felt alot better about it and learned alot about praising my saviour even whem my heart was breaking..
I often had only God to really share my feelings with as all my homeschool friends were thinking I was 'backsliding' or giving up. (or so I told myself)
My friends at church, well they all Love the Academy and couldn't understand why someone wouldn't wat to sent their kids there. My husband saw it as 'black and white" God has asked it, We obey!
But through out the whole summer God has given me little Victories, most of them happened when I was praising through my tears.

The school shopping is all done. Yes we had a BLAST! the Uniforms are hanging in the dressing room. the backpacks are stuffed and ready. and the girls are counting the hours until the first day.. No they don't have to tell me I know very well the # of hours . from this moment it is 58 hours!! they practiced getting up when their alarm went off all week! they talk about it continuously! THEY ARE READY!

Am I ready? Is any mom ever ready to sent her baby to school or in my case 2 babies? Will I cry?

So what do I answer when people ask me if I am excited for my daughters to start school?: Yes I am excited for them, the excitment in their eyes is catching. No I am not worried about them! they will excel! So yes, yes I am excited for them!
But me?? I still have mountains to climb, Sunday night we are invited to dinner at a friends house.. and yes everyone that is there homeschools their children, They will all be talking about what things they are studying this term and the new books by all our favorite publishers... And me?? we will be leaving early to get the girls to bed in time so that they can get up and be bright for their first day of school on Monday morning. Have I shared my story with anyof my homeschool friends? no I haven't, they haven't ever asked me why the girls are going to school this fall.

So yes, I am happy and at peace because I am obeying my Lord and Saviour who gave his very life to set my free from sin.
I will post pics of their firat day and keep you updated on my progress of learning to let go when it comes to my most prized gifts of the Lord, MY 3 precious children. Kristina 8yrs. , Staci 6yrs. And Mitchell 20 mo.