Sunday, August 30, 2009

Search me, O God

Ever ask yourself questions that you can't answer? or if you can answer them you feel like maybe you aren't being quite honest with your self?? here are some of the things that I have questioned myself about in the last 12 mo.
Is it Normal to look back at your life before kids and realize that you were a totally different person back then?? It didn't happen all at once or I would have noticed sooner I am sure, I don't miss that person. But do I miss some of the things I used to find so enjoyable? Is it because I have less time for other intrests now, or is it because I no longer have an intrest in those things?
But I guess the biggest question of all is: Is it healthy for Motherhood to be my biggest interest? is it healthy to feel like that is my biggest passion right now? Is it healthy for my children? Is really from God or is it my own selfish need to feel successful at something? Is it my passion right now because My children are young and I have controle over them.
In the past when ever I have tried something else, Tutoring, babysitting, selling books, it never worked out. I always got to the point where it was plain to see that the people I loved most were not getting the best of me. Was this Gods way of gently reminding me that I need to put my family first?
Am I questioning if this is the norm only because in the secular society family isn't a priority anymore? Is Gods will for my life to dedicate my life to the serving and happiness of others? Or is there a part that tells me that I need to have intrest of my own? that I need to do something that makes me happy... Which is kinda funny because as I stop and think about what makes me happy I realize that I am happiest when I am serving my family and when they are happy. :)

So I guess the conclusion for this session of questions is keep on doing what I have been doing while asking the Lord to search my heart and cleanse my from all sin and selfishness, To show me te areas of my life that are not serving him 100%

Search me, O God, and know my heart: try me, and know my thoughts: Psalms 139:23

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